It's Only Natural
Chapter XXV
A New Look At Marital Problems
(Almost thirty years ago, I began work on a text entitled One Flesh. In this work I developed a new and somewhat unique manner of examining the sexually differentiated emotional responses of men and women. The ideas presented in this book form the basis of much of the marriage counseling that is done at our Healing Centers. The book One Flesh was not published until recently because other works took priority, but it is now available from the Philosophical Publishing Company.
This present chapter will draw from both of these previous efforts in order to give you the best possible view of this effort to help both men and women to understand each better.)
After years of counseling those with marital problems, it became apparent that there were severe discrepancies in the complaints voiced by the individual parties. The problems that upset a wife were hardly ever noticed by her husband and vice versa. At times it was difficult to realize they were both discussing the same marriage. The events in the marriage were recognized by each, but their personal evaluation was radically different.
Gradually I began to detect a pattern of predictable responses from the wife, and later a similar set from the husband. As a result of these observations, an investigation was begun into the emotional responses that could be distinctly linked to the gender of the individual. The medical literature on this subject was negligible. Many vague allusions and comments were made on the theme but no systematic dissertations were available. Most modern authors seemed to be of the opinion that there were no real differences between the male and female emotional responses. My own observations, however, wouldn't allow me to accept this conclusion, so I continued my search into philosophical and literary works. Here my efforts were better rewarded. It soon seemed obvious that the artist was more observant of his fellow man than the scientist. Although I still found no book expressly on the desired matter, the analytic minds of the great writers provided much help in formulating the theories and practices presented here.
From this extensive investigation and personal observation, I concluded that not only are there common individual gender-oriented emotional responses, but also that the causes of these can be found and categorized. This work has also shown me that an understanding of these causes can greatly help the individual to understand himself (herself) and his (her) marital partner.
The purpose of this work is therefore twofold. First, to describe in detail the causes, character and functioning of these sex-oriented incentives and, second, to show how a knowledge of these incentives can help in individual and marital contentment. I realize this is a demanding objective. If the reader won't allow his preconceptions to interfere with his search for truth, I believe he will find my enthusiasm not altogether unwarranted.
In researching my subject, I have always tried to keep the law of cause and effect uppermost in my mind. Because I believe this to be an orderly not a chaotic universe, I have always sought a practical reason behind any theoretic emotional incentive I might postulate. It was therefore necessary in beginning this study to investigate the basic differences between male and female and particularly their distinctive purposes in Nature's plan.
For Creation to continue and prosper some form of gender is necessary so that the various species may be perpetuated. At times, as in the case of some trees, the entire process is encompassed in one unit. In most animal forms of life, the reproductive functions have been separated and the male and female forms evolved.
In the instance of complete sexual units one can say that each is like the other, as the function of a tree is like other unisexual trees. Once the individual parts of reproduction are separated, however, this similarity no longer exists. Because the purpose and nature of the male unit of reproduction is different from that of the female (and vise versa), a different set of rules and incentives was necessary to regulate each. I feel that these incentives were logically devised to help ensure the continuance of each individual life form. Therefore, by examining the incentives that would, in the case of each gender, best fulfill this demand for procreation, we may begin to discover the individual inborn incentives present in the male and female.
These incentives-inborn intuitive natures-aren't directly related to the mental or moral fiber of the individual. They are simply drives placed within his or her being to carry out the design and demands of Nature. Because the natural needs and demands for the male and female are different, it only makes biologic sense that the emotional nature of the male and female must vary to meet these distinctive demands.
The most important natural laws at this level of existence are those for the conception, growth and final maturation of the young animals. Because of certain physical laws that must be considered. in the fulfillment of these objectives, Nature has established certain patterns in the animal kingdom that, although altered in certain species, are sufficiently stable to enable us to make some general conclusions.
In most forms of higher female life, the egg (ovum) necessary for fertilization is discharged at only a few specific periods during her sexual maturity. In the human, this is usually about once a month, while in some animals it occurs only two or three times a year. We therefore have a variable fertilization factor in one of our sexual partners.
If the male had a similar cycle-if his sperm was only present at a certain time during the month, or year-much difficulty might ensue, attempting to make these two times coincide. Therefore to ensure fecundation, and the perpetuation of the species, it was necessary for the male to have a constant supply of sperm so that fertilization might be possible whenever an ovum was ready. It was also necessary that the male should have a readily-awakened desire for this cohabitation, because when the female's time arrives, no matter how short it may be, there should be a male available to use her fertile period advantageously. The only practical way that this could be accomplished would be to have the male (more or less) ready at all times.
Because it is only necessary-or practical from Nature's point of view-for the female animal to allow coitus at the time of her ovulation, Nature gave her desire and acquiescence only at this time. The male, on the other hand, in order to fulfill his biologic purpose, must be capable of desire at any time. These dictates of Nature for the animal world, to a large extent, are carried over to the human world. Although we, as the superior species of the earth, don't particularly like comparison with the lower animals, it is nevertheless true that the same need for the perpetuation of the species that Nature demands of them is also demanded of us. It is therefore only practical to expect conservative Nature to put the same or similar incentives in both us and them.
From this discussion, we may surmise that the first sexually differentiated incentive is that given to the male animal, which creates in him, in his youth at least, a constant or nearly constant desire to cohabit with the female of his species, thus helping perpetuating his own kind. In most animals, when he has performed this duty, the need for his services is over and he can go his way. The biologic demands on the female, however, are now just beginning, for it is she who must bear the consequences of impregnation through the long months of intrauterine maturation of the offspring. She must pass also through the trials of birth and aftercare until the progeny is mature enough to be on its own. The intuitive drives necessary to see that this program of Nature is carried out in the best interests of the species are obviously quite different than those previously ascribed to the male.
In the average female of the upper animal species, an actual biologic desire for sexual relations isn't necessary. Acquiescence alone is adequate. Pleasure isn't denied her, but it isn't essential for fertilization.
The main natural incentives that she must have are those producing love, affection and the desire to be a mother to her offspring. These must be so strong that she is willing to give her own life to protect the products of her womb. This must be carried forth by a drive within her that she follows intuitively, so that she may care properly for this infant until it is strong and wise enough to subsist without her.
Thus, in Nature, there is need for two entirely different and distinct biologic incentives. First, we must have on the part of the male a strong, unvarying and unswerving desire to cohabit with the female. This desire must be so compelling that whenever she is ready for cohabitation, he will not only be physically prepared, but also psychologically and emotionally eager to enter into such an act. She, on her part, need only have enough feeling and desire to acquiesce to this sexual invasion of her privacy. It isn't necessary that she enjoy such an embrace, although such isn't denied her. From this time on, however, assuming that fertilization has taken place, her own biologic incentives begin to take precedent. All her instincts directed toward the care and nurturing of the creature growing within her are brought to the fore. After the emergence of this small replica of her species, she is flooded with maternal impulses that don't abate until all progeny have left her protecting care. From Nature we are therefore provided with the basis of the first two sexually-oriented and differentiated instincts .
Primary Sexual Incentives
With this background, we can transfer these principles to humans. These basic incentives are present to a great degree in most of this planet's races, even though their forms may be greatly disguised by our civilized ways. The innate purpose of these incentives in the animal world is also a requirement in the human and so we shouldn't be surprised to find close similarities. The two incentives discussed above concern basic reproduction, birth and infant care. I have therefore labeled them Primary Sexual Incentives (PSI). The PSI in the human male is, as far as I have been able to ascertain, nearly identical to that of the lower animals-it is the crude biologic urge for sexual relations with a female of his species.
The Male PSI
The mechanism for this incentive is based on the very nature of his sexual structure. In the male, two glands-the testicles- begin producing spermatozoa at puberty. The sperm henceforth will be produced each day until senility overtakes him. Along with the sperm is produced a thin fluid carrier, which with the various lubricating fluids from the prostate, Cowper's glands and other glands along the urogenital tract complete the male sexual secretion. When the secretion accumulates to a certain extent, there is a desire for release. Whether the simple pressure of the secretions brings about this desire or whether there are still more complicated unknown reasons is not a point to be discussed here. That it does occur, however, and that it is a physical and biologic fact can't be denied. This call for release has little to do with morality, goodness or anything of an intellectual nature. It is designed to fulfill a natural demand. If, after a time, it isn't released or utilized in some manner, Nature will release it as a nocturnal emission. This intrinsic production of pressure helps to establish the biologic base of the male PSI.
Nature builds the mechanism and gives man the necessary desires. What man does with it is up to him. Nature is not moral. She merely wants a continuation of the species. It is up to man to say how, when and under what circumstances this perpetuation can or should take place.
I don't want to intimate that the desire for copulation in the male is based strictly on the physiologic pressure of his sexual fluids, although this is certainly an important component of his libido. The way in which the forces producing the male PSI operate are quite complicated and can be greatly modified by certain mental and moral concepts he may have developed during his life. Yet there seems little doubt in the minds of most physicians and scientists that the continual production of sperm and seminal fluids by the various male glands (along with male hormone production of course) certainly does participate in producing the male sexual appetite.
Even though love is an attribute respected by all, it isn't necessary for the continuance of the physical forms of the race. Although a strong libido is essential in man, love is not, and it is therefore not a part of the male PSI. There are few moral or ethical restrictions placed on the male PSI by Nature; man must provide these himself.
The Female PSI-Love and Affection
The female PSI is much more complicated than that of the male. From our foregoing studies, this should be rather obvious.
To say that a woman doesn't exist who inherited desires similar to those of a man would be making a very broad statement. Undoubtedly, such women do exist, but in a true form, I have found them to be very rare. In my experience, most women who act in this manner are simply making a deluded attempt to appear appealing to male escorts because they think he may find such actions intriguing and interesting. They usually successfully achieve what they deserve.
In the normal woman, a different incentive occurs. After rather extensive research, I believe that at about the same time the biologic urge is developing in a boy, an urge of an entirely different form is incubating in the young adolescent girl. It is a rather strange feeling that is far more difficult to discern than that of the boy's simple sexual drive. Young girls become possessed with a need for affection and a desire to give affection that is different from anything they have heretofore understood as a child. It manifests itself in many ways-affection for teachers and older people that they may like, the desire to cuddle stuffed animals and the love of pets. This is, it seems, actually a forerunner of the mother love that is to come. It is, of course, related to the same love of progeny and desire to care for them that seems to manifest in all of the higher forms of female animal life. Like it or not, the innate demands on a woman are almost identical with those of her lower feminine counterparts.
There is no need for the woman to have any pre-coital desire for sexual intercourse per se. There is no biologic reason for her to enjoy this act. All that is needed is for her to allow the union to take place. However, once copulation has occurred and impregnation is accomplished, there is a need for very complicated emotional and instinctive incentives. She now must have the emotional stability and desire to carry the result of copulation to its fulfillment and then to love and care for the resultant child until it is mature enough to care for itself.
I realize that this view seems as if I am dehumanizing womanhood. Nothing could be further from the truth. I am simply categorizing certain drives and emotions that all women manifest. This is not the complete woman. This is only a small cog in her makeup, but it is a very necessary and important cog that will remain with her throughout her whole mature life.
To many, it may not seem necessary for nature to place within the breast of a woman this strong desire to care for and rear children. It is true that civilized humans should realize the necessity to perpetuate the species, but do they? During the long history of mankind, there have been many great and famous men of varied professions who have disputed this obvious duty; and had some of their ideas prevailed, it is possible that the human race would be extinct today.
The mind can rationalize almost any type of activity, no matter how heinous or contrary to the better instincts of mankind, if it believes it is of benefit to the self in one way or another. Actually, even often worse than the selfish despot is the misguided "do-gooder" who fervently believes that it is his "duty" to force men to live according to his rules. One has only to look at the various forms of torture and inquisitions down through the ages to see what man is capable of doing in the name of expediency. I believe that Nature fully realizes what would happen if the perpetuation of the species were left to human integrity. Nature takes no such chances. She believes in force and so placed this strong direct incentive for the perpetuation, nurture, and love of the species within the breast of every normal woman.
The female primary sexual incentive, therefore, instead of being a desire for copulation as it is in the man, is a desire for love and affection-both to give and to receive. This desire is at first more or less unobjectified-that is, she loves everything. She has affection for everything and for nothing. It is simply a vague feeling that blooms within her at puberty. As time goes on, it becomes more and more centered on men and, we hope, finally in one man. First, a friend, then a lover, next a husband, and finally the father of her children.
The female PSI is much less understood than the male PSI, not only by men-who not possessing it can't possibly understand it-but also by women, because of their lack of knowledge. While the male PSI is advertised all over the whole world- because it is a commercially saleable commodity known as sex-this female drive for love and affection isn't as exploitable and therefore is generally ignored.
How many men complain of their inability to understand women? When this happens, nine times out of ten, the woman is responding to her PSI and because a man doesn't have this characteristic in his PSI or any real desire to understand hers, he is completely mystified by her actions. Here we have the seed of a great many difficulties in marriage (If not the majority). If men could only learn to understand the nature of the female PSI, learn to live with it, accept it and utilize it to the fullest extent of their ability, marriages would become increasingly more joyful, divorce rates would drop and it would be possible to create a true heaven on earth in place of the chaos that now all too often prevails.
The PSI-both male and female-is basic to our existence. Without them neither you or I would be here. Let thank Nature for her thoughtfulness but also pray that each sex, in time, is able to gain a better understanding of the other's primary incentive.
MCD, A New Incentive
Man, so the Bible says, does not live by bread alone; it also seems to be true that man does not live by PSI alone. There is a strong biologic force in PSI and it will drive him to various activities throughout his life. However, except in perverted and abnormal men, it isn't the prime compelling instinct of his existence. There is another almost as strong. This second male force is perhaps the most fascinating of all discoveries I have made in my research.
I call this second male incentive Masculine Creative Desire (MCD). To understand it fully, let us review a moment. The feminine PSI is a rather broad and inclusive component of her life. It begins in her early love and affectional nature, becomes creative with the bearing of children, continues with the rearing of her family and ceases its expansion only in death. Her PSI is not only sexual; it is also creative. Although the creative nature of many women can be satisfied with the birth and care of their family (Although more and more women want more than this.) as a natural fulfillment of their love and affectional incentives, this is certainly not true of the average man. I have yet to find a man who felt that he had fulfilled his creative reason for existence by the propagation of children alone. Man does has a creative sphere, but it lies elsewhere.
It's a Man's World
It has been said of the woman that her natural creative sphere exists in the womb and because this can never be true of man, it could follow that his creative world is everything else outside the womb. God and Nature, in the just proportioning of the work of the world, have given woman the right to produce the greatest and most sublime creation possible-a human being in the likeness of God. To man, in compensation, has been deeded the right and ability to create in every other sphere of activity. We often hear, "It's a man's world." Outside the womb this is true, for man has been given the rest of the world as his creative playground and is provided by nature with a distinct masculine incentive toward this end-the MCD.
This MCD seems to be within all men, in differing degrees. It is the desire that pushes them ahead to create all the sublime and inane things produced in our world. It propels the scientist who will spend his whole life investigating and cogitating on the habits of the common flea. (No woman in her right mind would ever do such a thing; women are far too rational and practical.) It also has created for us music and art whose sublimity is almost beyond contemplation. This male MCD has produced almost every good man made thing about us and every despicable man made creation as well. Like most forces given to man, the MCD is not good or bad; it simply exists. It is up to man to properly direct it.
MCD is completely and entirely separate from PSI. The average man lives two lives. He lives the life of his MCD-his work or creative sphere. He also lives the life of his PSI-his home, family and sexual existence. These two can be entirely separate. They may work together, but by nature they are not joined. They almost never blend. This is something most women find difficult to understand. Her PSI and creative nature issue from the same source, his from separate sources.
Nature of MCD
When I first undertook this research project, I felt that MCD was centered in a man's job or work-that is, whatever he did to make a living was the exercise of his MCD. I soon realized that while this may be true in many instances-if his work is creative and fulfilling-many men don't find a creative outlet in their employment. The MCD is therefore not so much what a man does as it is a driving force within him to create, or to produce something that was not on earth before him. Unfortunately, many of the things a man must or can do for a living aren't motivated by MCD. Thus, he may find his work dull and uninteresting. He is then working only to make a living at a job that doesn't necessarily stimulate his creative desire. This is an unhappy man. If he would only listen to the promptings of his MCD and follow where this strange piper leads, he would be more contented and the world would be much more satisfying to him and with him.
MCD also creates in a man certain unique faculties. One is the ability of concentrating his attention, sometimes his whole attention, on a subject that has very little short-range practical value to himself or to humanity. He will do this simply because there is a drive within him forcing him to create something original in this field. You may have heard of various artists, writers or painters who have spent their lives in poverty rather than produce works the public wanted, but which they felt no desire to create. If they had changed only a little and given way to the fashion of the world, they might have become rich and famous. This they couldn't do, for something within them forced them to produce that which they must. Most such idealism is MCD based. Perhaps this is what the Bible means when it speaks of the talents within each man. I am not a Bible student, but as a scientist, I do know that there exists in man this strong compelling force I call MCD.
It can be so strong that at times it will overcome his PSI, as all too many wives and sweethearts realize. Often women want to talk of love when their men want to talk of baseball, hunting, cars or anything else that at present is stimulating their MCD.
MCD has many avenues of manifestation. It is usually not directed along just one line; in fact, it can be directed along several lines at the same time. A man can have MCD about hobbies, sports, world affairs and of course about his regular work all at one and the same time. There are many manifestations of the MCD, yet there is one fundamental activating force behind all MCD-the creation of something new or the improvement of a condition. Fixing a leaky faucet and writing a symphony can both be MCD-oriented though few women could ever understand the connection.
One interesting and exasperating characteristic of MCD is that it isn't necessarily practical. Women also create-oh yes, many women love to create-but almost always they have a rational reason for doing so. Women also work, but again for a
reason. They usually work to advance themselves or their family. They work for things that they want or so that they will be appreciated. There are many reasons why women work and create, but almost all of them are well founded and eminently practical. Women are too pragmatic for MCD. It is almost unheard of for a normal woman to do anything without a practical purpose behind it. Women are basically rational and practical. Men are dreamy and idealistic, despite reputations to the contrary.
Most men will understand what I mean by the impractical nature of MCD. It is this incentive that makes men climb mountains simply because they are there. It is incentive that forces men to want to create music that may never be played in their lifetime. MCD forces men to create, not for accolades or monetary remunerations, but simply for the pure love of the creation itself. When man has created his entity, he is satisfied (for the moment). If others appreciate his work, this is all well and good, but at times this can detract from the creation. The true creator can't stop for appreciation; he must go on to further efforts because he is only happy when creating.
In trying to explain MCD to women, I have encountered great difficulties. It's like trying to explain the female PSI to a man. The only analogy I have been able to give a woman is that it is similar to her desire for a child. There may be no practical reason; she simply wants to be a mother and I think most women who have been mothers understand this sensation. Somewhere down within her, she wants to be a mother and feel a child within her. Man's MCD is similar. Many women don't feel complete until they have borne a child. Many a man can't feel complete until he has followed his MCD and is successful in his own creative world. Many stories in history and literature are based on this fact. Many great authors have described the nature of this drive although they never gave it a name.
Is There an FCD?
But what about the woman? Does she have anything similar to MCD? Yes, in a way. At first, her PSI is only for love and affection, but as her life involves a lover, husband and then children, her PSI expands. This love and affection metamorphose in the creative instincts necessary for the bearing and nurturing of a family. The growth of this incentive knows no end because it is based in the manifestations of creative love that is unfettered and untrammeled.
For the unmarried woman, a sublimation must take place; her PSI must be directed at some worthy but asexual objective. Even here, however, her creative sphere and her PSI are simply an expansion of one another.
It has been said by a man far wiser than myself, "Love to a woman is her whole being; to man, a thing apart." Love, as such, is an outgrowth of a woman's PSI. The greatest part of her entire world is bound up in it. Her whole life becomes an expansion of this simple primary PSI. It expands and grows, but it doesn't change. It simply encompasses more and more. She had one real life and that is a life of love in all its many manifestations. It matters little whether this is in the business world or in the home; unless her life is based on love, it is wasted and sad. This is not true of her husband. He has two lives. He has his PSI (his family), and he has his MCD. The two are separate and distinct. Actually, this separation of his MCD from his family and PSI is quite necessary because only in this way can the work of the world be done. Much of business has to be done coldly and calculatingly. It has to be done without emotional instability and it therefore shouldn't have within it the elements of sentimentality that go along with love and affection that are so common to the feminine nature.
The SSls-the Equalizers
The various incentives I have just described are important (if not vital) to the perpetuation of the human race and to its constant efforts to make this earth a heaven (or hell) for all its inhabitants. We find in all men two unique incentives-first the Primary Sexual Incentive (PSI), which is a strong biologic urge for mating; and second, an innate drive that I call Masculine Creative Desire (MCD). This latter forces him forth into all avenues of activity that can come to his mind and heart.
The woman has also a PSI, which is not a biologic urge for sexual expression but rather a desire for love and affection. Each of these attributes is necessary for the perpetuation of the species. The male PSI is necessary to induce him to fertilize the female. The male MCD is necessary to give him the incentive to be the provider and the protector of the family that will result as a consequence of this fertilization. The female PSI, expanding into mother love and even beyond, is necessary for the creating, nurturing and the maturation of the family.
Nature has chosen her incentives well. She leaves nothing to chance or the good intentions of her beings, for she knows all too well that they are never to be trusted in important matters. She believes in strong incentives that all but force humans to follow a certain course to produce the ends she deems essential.
Do these same incentives also satisfy the physical and emotional needs of men and women? If we examine these incentives carefully, we find that Nature has left some very serious gaps that humans must fill through various means if they desire to live happy and fulfilling lives.
Perhaps the first and most obvious gap is the absence of an incentive that is common to both men and women. Because of this lack, it is easy to explain why each sex finds it difficult to understand the other. How can a woman understand the desperation and potential for evil that may be contained in the male PSI when she has no comparable feelings? How can a man understand her need for love and affection, her desire for tenderness and gentleness when he has no feminine PSI to aid his judgment? How can any man understand her feelings about children or married life, when his own natural incentives are so different?
On the other hand, how can any woman fully appreciate the demands of the masculine MCD? Isn't it difficult for her to understand why he spends his time trying to create something, working on it perhaps night and day, even though it may bring to her or to their family no money or practical usefulness? What good does it do him to tell her of his internal drives when she can't understand this inherent demand on his nature?
In the normal man/woman relationship we have the strange paradox of two people who need each other very much and yet who, by nature, understand each other so little.
For the proper exercise of his PSI, man needs a woman. For the complete fulfillment of her PSI, woman certainly must have a man. The man, of course, can fulfill his MCD without a woman and any yet victory achieved through his MCD is often hollow without someone to share it with. Though they have a strong need for each other, there is still little direct understanding between most couples.
Because of these incentives, people come together and marry. Later because of them, they may separate and divorce. (Up to fifty percent in some of our states.) They can't live without each other and they can't live with each other. When I arrived at this point in my research, I began to look for other incentives that could bridge this gap. They weren't readily forthcoming but, in time, two new-though somewhat vague- incentives were discovered.
These incentives apparently weren't developed by Nature because some people have them in abundance, some only meagerly and others seemingly not at all. Still, in these new and elusive incentives, I hoped to find an answer to marital happiness-a bridge of understanding between man and woman.
I like to call these factors the humanizing incentives, for as far as I have been able to ascertain, they are present only in the human or at least are only capable of being developed to any degree in normal men and women.
These drives differ from the primary set in that they aren't automatically developed by Nature, nor are they necessary for her design of species perpetuation. They are, we might say, a gift to mankind. They are latent or potentials incentive that men and women may develop if they so desire.
Nature may not need these incentives, but man needs them desperately because they make of him a true human being instead of just another animal of the field. Because of their nature, I have called these latent drives Secondary Sexual Incentives (SSI). That of the woman is more easily developed, although it is poorly understood and only rarely brought to its highest potentiality. That of the male is more difficult to develop and is therefore more highly prized. These incentives are secondary to their primary counterparts, the PSIs. Man's SSI seems to be directly related to his PSI, as is the woman's. Even after the secondary incentive is developed, it is apparently necessary to have the primary incentive still in full force for the secondary to operate at fullest efficiency. If it comes to a showdown between the secondary and the primary sexual incentive, all too often the primary incentive seems to dominate unless a great deal of effort is allied by the individual to prevent this reversion.
Character of SSI
After lengthy study and research, it seems that these latent factors (SSIs), are, in each case, basically the same as the primary factors of the opposite sex. That is, the secondary sexual incentive in woman is a desire for sexual congress, per se-a biologic urge for a sexual release within her. The SSI of the man is the growth of a love and affectional nature. It is a feeling of love, similar to that of a woman; it is not lustful or selfish but a true humanizing component that can be developed by all men. It is that, nearly alone, that can make of man more than an intelligent brute.
Female SSI
The female SSI, as stated, is a direct analog of the male PSI. In the average woman, the desire for sexual release, per se, is a latent or developable incentive. The reason this desire is held in abeyance in the young girl is not hard to ascertain if we understand Nature's needs. It isn't necessary for a woman to desire sexual congress to participate in cohabitation. It is only
necessary for her to have a feeling of love and affection toward the man she marries and who completes sexual congress with her. Actually, it would undoubtedly be very detrimental to Nature's needs if women did have a male-type PSI before marriage. For remember, man's PSI is needfully so strong and potent at times that he will risk life and limb to accomplish its directives. One can readily imagine what might happen in the world if both men and women were imbued with this same constant sexual drive. It is doubtful that many children would see the light of day, for the demand wouldn't be for progeny but only for pleasure. Thus, the human race would soon die out in one monumental orgy.
(Since this was written some twenty years ago there has been a change in the life of many young women. Since it has proved "commercial" for the media to foster the concept of what we can only call "female lust" as a normal component of womanhood, many young girls today feel that they must develop their SSI long before it Natural time. This is one of the major reasons for the chaotic and lewd sexual situation in America today as well as one of the main reasons for the many new sexual diseases now afflicting so many of our teenagers.)
Once a woman has married, however, and come under the protection of her husband, such a sexual urge could be allowed if properly controlled and subordinated to her PSI. When she has, through her love and affectional nature, virtually laid down her life for the man she loves by exposing herself to the dangers of childbirth, it seems only fair that she now have the right to pleasure and satisfaction from sexual intercourse. Woman, it seems, is so physiologically constituted that although Nature doesn't develop within her a desire for sexual relations, per se, this feeling can be awakened by the stimulation of her love centers by her husband. This awakening is the prelude to a continuing growth of physical and psychologic sexual maturity, if she hasn't been preconditioned (by family, custom or church) to reject such development.
I certainly feel that developing her SSI is of great importance to any woman's marital happiness. If it does evolve, there can emerge a deep bond between the couple; if it does not, as unfortunately is too often the case, then the marriage can never be anything but a mockery and must eventually come to a sad end-either by divorce or, worse, by a continued growing disgust that erodes all love in the partnership.
The fact that the female SSI does exist and is not as easily developed as one might believe, offers an explanation for much of the statistical frigidity of the American female- estimated to be fifty to eighty per cent, depending on the definition of frigidity. I think that most of these women are not inherently frigid but that they just have not been able to develop an adequate SSI.
While the SSI usually develops owing to the stimulation of sexual intercourse, it is not automatically so accomplished. If a woman has had certain inhibitory training in her life, such as an overprotective mother who has produced a deep fear of sexual intercourse, or if she has perhaps been tangled in the Freudian web of clitoral and vaginal orgasms, or involved in religious sophistries about intercourse, it is very possible that she may be retarded in developing her SSI. If it has not bloomed within a certain period, she may believe she is frigid and as a defense mechanism may psychologically stop within herself any further attempts toward development. To keep from being frustrated further, she may divorce herself from any expected pleasure or desire during intercourse or attempt to sublimate it into many secondary forms. ("All I ever think about is my garden.")
There are times when the female SSI is very slow to develop but is not fully inhibited and does emerge late in life. All physicians have female patients in their late 40's and even 50's who are just beginning to feel the sexual sensations they should have experienced shortly after marriage. Unfortunately, just as they start to feel a desire for sexual activity, they find the sexual capabilities of their husbands start to decrease. This problem of male sexual weakness with age can be helped by your Center physician. You have only to ask.
The Male SSI
Of all the incentives herein described, the male SSI will probably be the most disputed. By its very character, it is the most vague, abstract and difficult to develop or even understand. In many ways, it is a luxury rather than a necessity in comparison to the other incentives. A woman can live in peace with a man who has no SSI if she knows no better, but after exposure to this enigmatic incentive, it is doubtful that she would ever again be willing to tolerate its absence.
The male SSI is the most civilizing of all these drives. A man having a strong SSI is incapable of the heinous acts so frequently representative of his sex. Through it alone can emerge the true "One Flesh" marriage. Only by its force can a world ever be free and safe for all life. Through the union of love, called marriage, men and women are given the opportunity to complete their natural being,-she, by the osmotic assimilation of masculine positive and sensual characteristics and, he, by the gradual and usually unconscious growth in him of the love and compassion that is much a natural part of her being. As with all such things, the bad are not made good by wedlock, nor the stupid, bright. However, the chances for each person to better his own qualities are usually increased by marriage. Nature and the Almighty have conspired to produce a situation in which their human offspring could prosper and evolve; if such does not happen, it is not necessarily the instigators who are to blame.
To understand the male SSI, it is essential to comprehend man without it. Man, by nature, is full of positiveness, strength and agressivness (The result of his hormones if nothing else). These are his masculine characteristics. The more of these he has, the more he manifests manhood. It's a great and wonderful thing to stand on your own two feet and to be a man; yet there is something still greater and that is the possibility of becoming an advanced human-a near-God, if you will. To accomplish this goal, a man must not only be full of strength and positiveness and possess a strong creative ability, but he must also possess gentleness, understanding, forgiveness, compassion and true non individualized love. A man who is merely a mind or virile sex force is rarely loved or revered by his contemporaries. A man, to gain the approbation of all about him now and in the future, needs to be much more. The men we eternally admire usually have a strong love and affectional nature along with their other masculine characteristics. This love nature is a female characteristic, I must admit, but it isn't a characteristic that feminizes a man. Rather, it produces in a strong man greater strength and force-that which no weak man can develop.
The male SSI is secondary to his other incentives. A man does not and should not lose his primary incentives by developing his SSI. This is why he doesn't take on more negative feminine traits. A woman's love and affectional nature can lead her astray through over sentimentality, whereas a man's MCD should prevent such a consequence on his part. The male SSI rounds the rough corners of his PSI and MCD. It should not be allowed to alter their positive and useful functioning.
The greatest example of male SSI we have in Christendom is that of Jesus. In other religions we have Buddha, Moses, Mohammed and the various other messiahs who have come to earth in love and self-denial to help mankind.
More recent examples would be men like Abraham Lincoln, a man certainly not effeminate and yet one renowned for the strength of his love and of his great compassion. We may honor an Einstein and we may even revere a Steinmetz or an Edison, but we love a Lincoln and adore a Christ. Few of us will have the opportunity to serve our fellow man as these, yet the force of our own example should not be belittled.
How does man obtain these attributes? How does he develop this loving nature? Admittedly, there are other ways besides the method I shall mention, but this one seems the most common and perhaps the most natural.
It is possible for us to develop traits that we don't already possess by first observing these in others and then trying to develop the same actions and movements within our being. Because women are the embodiment of love and affection, man usually develops his SSI through contact with women. By their constant example, women help men to unfold their budding love and affectional nature. But far more than mere example is present in the one-flesh marriage. Here the whole structure of the union, including the physical sexual exchange, aids in this worthy objective.
Think back to your own experience. How many times have you known a bachelor who changed for the better (in your opinion of course) after marriage? If he was an old carousing buddy, you may have not cared for the change, but the world appreciates it because he is undoubtedly now a much finer and more refined person. Not all men are equally affected, of course. But he is a brute indeed who is left untouched by a good woman's tender graces.
While almost all men are unknowingly civilized to a degree through marriage, it is far better if they can do so consciously. The rational husband will realize that these attributes of love and affection that are so much a part of his wife can become a useful force in his own life. These attributes will detract nothing from his strength of character and positiveness as a man, but they can greatly modify his more brutish tendencies. Therefore, he loses nothing of value and gains much in graciousness and effectiveness as a man by fostering this development.
The Danger in the SSls
In developing an SSI (male or female), one must allow it to flourish without destroying the primary incentives. If a woman allows the SSI to predominate, to make her mind dirty and filthy like that of some men, then it destroys all the finer parts of her own character and individuality and it would be better if she had never developed it at all. This is also true of a man who allows married life to make of him a wishy-washy, hen pecked, sentimental fool lacking all positiveness and strength of character. Every new attribute brings with it corresponding responsibility and this certainly applies to the characteristics of the SSI in both male and female.
The PSI comes on us whether we like it or not. The MCD is thrust upon all men to some degree. They are not good or bad;
they simply exist and become a part of his nature. On the other hand, the SSIs must be developed and as far as I can ascertain, there is no limit to their development.
A woman's SSI is unlimited because it isn't based on physiologic factors, as is its counterpart-the man's PSI. The female SSI can grow throughout life and become stronger and of a more satisfying nature as a woman grows older if it is properly nurtured. This is also true of the man's SSI. His developable love and affectional nature knows no bounds. It can extend from an almost invisible amount to that which brings the adoration of the whole world for centuries to come. As far as I can determine, nature limits neither of the SSIs.
Those of us who have worked with SSIs are greatly enamored of them because we realize this kinetic force can help form the happiest of marriages, the most satisfying of relationships, and the most powerful family units. Almost everything that has to do with love, sexuality, marriage, and family can be strengthened and brought to complete fruition through proper use of SSIs.
Ingeniology
In this chapter I have presented what I have discovered of the emotional differences between man and woman. I call this effort "Ingeniology"-the science of instincts or incentives.
If you can understand the differences between men and women, you can understand the basis of attraction and repulsion. Life in our world is the art of understanding and functioning with others. The Buddhists say: "To know all, is to forgive all." If you can understand what is behind people's actions, then not only is it possible to forgive them, it is possible to love and help them. Once you can do this, you have expelled hate from your own nature and have started on the road to becoming "perfect as your Father in Heaven is perfect". When you can do this, you have started living the life of the "One Flesh" concept, not only with your mate, but with all humanity.
If you can understand these incentives, you will know much about every human. The one-flesh concept is based on the natural laws of man and not on a psychoanalytical sophistry that is constantly changing. It is a teaching that eliminates guilt and future recriminations by preventing the acts that cause such feelings and not by some posthumous psychologic mumbo jumbo.
Marriage, as we know it, has often failed-not because the state is wrong, but because it hasn't been properly understood or utilized. Those who, because of the apparent failure of marriage have advocated a looser structure of relationships, have not shown their practices to be advantageous. The one-flesh concept shows us the error of the latter and the perfecting of the former. Marriage, properly and fully expressed, is man's most advanced state. With this work I hope to offer a beginning guide toward this desirable objective.
PS: The following is taken from a book I wrote some ten years after the above chapter was originally penned. It offers some specific suggestions for the One Flesh marriage that we all thought could be helpful to our married patients (or those who would like to marry). I trust you will find the information of value.
In the book A Guide for the New Renaissance form which this selection is taken, the healing and regenerative nature inherent in the sexual fluids exchanged during non-obstructive coitus is discussed at some length and so this is taken as an important fact in the following narrative.
The Nature of the Marriage
Once a worthy marriage is achieved, the couple can turn their attention to the nature of the One Flesh sexual union itself. The first consideration here is that the marital act is performed in such a way that full benefit of the magnetic fluid and emotional exchange is achieved. If this does not occur, most of the benefits of the One Flesh marriage will remain illusive and the couple may well spend their days in discouragement and disenchantment.
The basic law of the One Flesh sexual union is that: Nothing Must Prevent The Normal Exchange That Takes Place In The Vagina Between The Seminal Fluid Of The Man And The Vaginal Secretions Of The Woman. This even excludes various chemical substances used as spermicides. Although they may not prevent the admixture of the fluids as some forms of contraception do, they will have an injurious effect on the constituents of the normal fluids and tend to neutralize the desired benefits of the exchange.
There are two corollaries to this basic law that are vital to the perfect union. The first is: There Must Be Love In The Hearts Of Each Partner For One Another Or The Fluids Exchanged Will React Adversely And Tend To Destroy Both The Husband And The Wife Instead Of Building As They Should.
For this reason, loveless marriages can become destructive to both parties and the sexual relationship tends to become more and more infrequent in such a union. Abstinence becomes a form of ego self preservation for each.
The second corollary is: If The Couple Is To Be Able To Make Full Benefit Of The One Flesh Potential, The Exchange Of Sexual Fluids Is Necessary On A Regular Basis. In general, this should be at least once or twice a week. In the young and vigorous it may be more frequent, but it usually takes two to three days for the husband to build up a full supply of the various components of the seminal fluid.
In older couples this seminal fluid build up may take even longer but if a good natural diet and proper health habits are followed the One Flesh union can be continued far into old age.
Selecting a Contraceptive Method
When all these factors are considered, some surprising conclusions may be drawn. Many of the common methods of contraception do not allow for the proper One Flesh sexual exchange and, therefore, are to be avoided. The condom, oral ejaculation, anal sex, withdrawal and any other form of sex that does not allow the semen to be deposited in the vagina is destructive to both body and Soul. Various forms of chemical agents such as foams, jellies, creams or sponges are not acceptable because they adversely alter the fluids necessary for the proper functioning of the One Flesh union. Although the intrauterine device and the "pill" do not have the detrimental effects described above, they are such hazards to health that they can be recommended only under very special circumstances. Rhythm and other time-of-month methods certainly fit the criteria for the proper vaginal exchange, but often do not fit well within the needs for regular sexual union.
For most couples the best compromise, when contraception is required, is the use of the latex diaphragm with a non-spermicidal surgical jelly instead of the usual toxic spermicide used on the rim of the diaphragm (spermicide may be used on the portion of the diaphragm that is against the cervix since this will not interfere with the exchange and absorption of sexual fluids. A cleansing douche should be used after the removal of the diaphragm, however, to remove all traces of the spermicide from the vagina since some of these can be irritating.) If the diaphragm is properly fitted, there should be no effectiveness problem when used in this manner. For those who like the sex act without encumbrances the diaphragm can be used only during the unsafe times of the month and the rest of the time they can go a la natural.
In my many years of medical practice I have seen several couples who for various reasons could not effectively use the diaphragm method. For these, some other variation was devised. However, these are always chosen to fit into the basic tenants of the One Flesh marriage. If this is a problem that you have feel free to discuss this with your Center physician.
Some Important Last Words
About the One Flesh IncentivesWhen the One Flesh concept was first made known over thirty-five years ago, it was opposed by many women's groups as being sexist, because they felt it was an attempt to degrade woman's place in the world at large. Nothing could be further from the truth. The problem was that these groups tended to misunderstand the differences between intelligence, talent, human creativity, and these incentives, particularly MCD.
The male creative incentive does not necessarily give men any particular intelligence, wisdom, talent or creativity that is in anyway superior to that of women. It does tend to direct qualities men possess into certain areas that Nature finds useful for women's purposes. It is entirely possible for a woman, by her desire and will, to enter these same fields and to succeed where many men have failed.
Many men have a strong MCD but not the intelligence, talent, or desire to do anything productive with it. These are some of the world's most miserable beings. It is a misery no woman can truly understand any more than a man can comprehend the urge within a real woman to have a child.
Perhaps this difference would be better understood if we were to compare the incentives of birds to that of a human aviator. Each year the birds take off at a certain time to make a long flight to a specific spot in a southern clime. This
is done year after year without fail or deviation. It is regulated by the incentives placed by God (Nature, if you will) in these beasts at their conception. These incentives were placed there for one reason: To assure the preservation and evolution of the species. This it has done and will continue to do unless man interferes.
For many centuries man envied the birds' ability, but now by the power of his talent and creativity he has the wherewithal to emulate the flight of creatures. But he has one great advantage: He can now fly where and when he wishes, because he is not governed by the limited incentives of the birds.
So it is with human creativity. There is in both men and women an inborn incentive to create. The objectives of this creativity are distinct with each sex and are given by Nature in an effort to perpetuate and idealize humankind. However, both men and women, since they were given by their Creator the two great boons of intelligent thought and free will to execute the desires of that thought, have the ability either to harmonize themselves with these incentives or to change them to whatever purpose they desire. We see this throughout our world today.
Women decide that they do not want to be mothers but would rather enter the world of men and beat them at their own game. Men are willing to stay home and take care of the house because they really enjoy it. It is a common trait of human nature to think that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. We have been given this right by God to come to a fuller understanding of the correctness of His original incentives by the suffering and sorrow we create through our deviations. In essence, we all are prodigal sons and daughters of our Heavenly Father and must some day return to Him, realizing that His ways are best, after all. But, like our biblical counterpart, we will first squander nearly all our sacred inheritance in riotous living.
There are, of course, many legitimate reasons for the repression or sublimation of these incentives, but even this is not to be accomplished without a certain amount of effort and loss. In some religions, the officials, both men and women, are expected to subjugate their sexual desires and expression. Unfortunately, no one told Nature about this and she keeps placing the same old incentives into the bodies of these individuals. This fight between man's conception of Spirituality and Nature's truth has been going on for many centuries and as yet neither side is showing any signs of giving in. In such a fight it is well to put the money on the side of Nature, for she has always, in the past, proven her superiority in such matters. Some day we believe that men and women of wisdom and perception will realize that a religion that prevents their best men and women from procreating is doomed to retrogression and ultimate extinction if such a practice is allowed to persist.
Before we leave these incentives, one point must be made as plain as possible: These Are Incentives. They Are Not Commands. If You Don't Like Them, You Have The Right To Attempt To Ignore Or Sublimate Them. On the other hand, it has been my experience that to ignore or deny their existence is to possibly court problems in life. We have come to Earth to learn and to experience and to do this we must be willing to examine all the possible influences in our lives. Certainly these incentives are one of these influences.
The variations of human activities in relation to One Flesh incentives is truly endless. It has not been possible to delve beyond even the surface of this subject here, but enough has been given for the ardent student of human nature to have a field day watching the actions of his fellow earthlings as they go about their lives being directed by these incentives, but ever eager to deny such external influences.